Having Faith
by musik07
Summary: 5th chapter added. Sry for the wait. The unthinkable happens to CD how do CD and Nate deal. Minor Violence
1. Chapter 1

It was a normal busy day at the division, that day though CD and Nate both got off work at the same time. On their way out going to their cars CD offered to stop and grab then some dinner. They both agreed on pizza and CD set out in the way of their favorite pizza place and Nate in the way of their apartment to get the table set. Arriving at the pizza place CD cursed her luck of their being no parking place in the 2 blocks around the shop. So she drove until she found a spot about 4 blocks away. She got out of the car, locked it and walked to the pizza place. After waiting 10 minutes for their pizza she started out back towards the car. When she got about 2 blocks from her car she became aware of someone watching her. From where she didn't know but she pulled out her cell phone and started to call Nate hoping he would calm her down. She got half way though dialing when someone grabbed her and put a hand over her mouth preventing her from screaming. He pulled her into an empty alley sinking all of her hopes of getting help from someone around her. The more she struggled the rougher he got with her, he was throwing her around, using her stomach as a punching bag, and making small cuts on her arms wit ha sharp choker type piece of jewelry he had wrapped around his arm. He pushed her down on the ground and undid the top of her pants and pulled them down along with her underwear. He then proceeded to remove her shirt and tear her bra off leaving her lying there naked. All the while she was begging for him to stop and just to let her go. He finally got upset enough at her and he punched her in the eye and told her if she didn't keep quiet he would kill her. He then proceeded to get one top of her and lean in to kiss her. She has started to silently cry and pray for help. Still squirming under him he punched her in the chest and knocked the wind out of her. She stopped squirming under him after the most recent punch. He smiled at his success and he pulled his penis out of his pants and raped her. After he finally finished forcing himself on her he gave her another kiss, told her she was a 'slut' and left her there.  
  
At home Nate was wondering where CD was. He called her cell and became worried when she didn't answer. The phone ringing shocked CD back into reality enough to know that she needed to get dressed and get herself help. She forced herself to get up and dress herself even though the pain was almost unbearable, she then picked up her cell and called 911 and then the division. Magda and Jinny were meeting her at the hospital. Then she only had to call Nate. After a few minutes she worked up the courage to call him but she only had the heart to tell him she had been attacked and asked him to meet her at the hospital and that Mag and Jin were coming to take her report. When she hung up she could hear the ambulance in the distances. Sitting on the ground crying and in pain she wondered how she would ever be able to tell Nate what really happened and how she would deal with everything. She pulled herself together to go to the hospital. When she arrived at the hospital Magda and Jinny were waiting for her. She was wheeled into an exam room where she had to wait for the doctor to come in and Jinny patiently started to ask her the questions to take her report while Mag held her hand.  
  
"Mag, can you go outside and wait for Nate and tell him what's up?"  
  
"CD, I can't tell him you were raped you have to do that"  
  
"No, I couldn't ask you to do that, I know I have to, I meant could you tell him I am ok and you'll come and get him in awhile?"  
  
"Yah sure"  
  
After Magda left Jinny asked "Do you wanna keep going?" CD nodded and Jinny continued asking CD the required questions finishing just as the doctor came in.  
  
"Pleas stay, I don't want to go through this alone" CD whispered to Jinny.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere until the exam's over." Jinny said as she moved over to the seat Magda had previously occupied and reached out to hold CD's hand. The doctor had introduced herself and started the exam. "Thank You so much Jin..." CD whispered and after a pause she whispered even softer something only meant for herself "I don't know how to deal with this again."  
  
The last thing CD said caught Jinny's attention and she turned to look at CD closer. "Shit" muttered CD and Jinny decided to drop it for now because CD was already going through so much right then and she wasn't completely sure that she heard what she thought she heard. At that moment Magda walked in and walked around to the other side of the bed and picked up CD's other hand. "Nate is out there..he said that he loves you"  
  
"Thanks..how's he doing?" CD whispered wincing from the pain of the exam  
  
"He's holding up ok for what he knows" Magda replied. CD winced once again from the pain of the exam. "Don't be afraid to squeeze my hand if it hurts" Jinny told her and CD gripped her hand even harder. Mag and Jinny both stayed with her till the exam was over and she could get dressed in some scrubs the hospital provided and she could take some pills and leave. Mag and Jinny have both left to give her some privacy a few minutes after they left there was a knock at the door and she heard "Its Nate, can I come in?"  
  
"Just a sec ok?" she said as she finished pulling on the top and quickly took the pills and walked over to the door to let him in and she went back and sat on the bed. Nate sat down on the chair next too the bed and reached out for her hands she allowed him to pick up her hands and she moved over and sat down on the edge of his chair allowing herself to fall back into the safety of his lap and lean against him. "Sweetie..are you ok?" he asked.  
  
"No.Nate I really need to tell you something" CD replied almost in a whisper looking down at her hands which were intertwined with his. "Sure honey..tell me anything." He replied giving her a reassuring smile and squeezing her hands, she looked up at him and seeing the total sincerity in his eyes she felt reassured that she was making the right choice in telling him now. "Nate.the reason I am here is because when I was walking out of the pizza place and to the car someone grabbed me." she trailed off and a few tears started to trace their way down her cheeks and she took a deep breath to continue "he dragged me into an alley and he..he raped me" she said as the tears started to come more freely. Nate pulled her into a hug and whispered re-assuring words to her and held her till the crying subsided. That moment the doctor knocked on the door and re-entered the room and told her that she was free to go. Nate helped her up off his lap and for the first time saw the extent of the bruising on her arms, and neck. He gently put an arm around her back and she leaned into him and they walked out of the exam room. Magda and Jinny were just getting ready to leave and they slowed down to meet up with their two friends. Before they reached the door they stopped in and open area to talk.  
  
"They had a lot of evidence CD and you have a good description, we are going to have you come in and look at some mug books tomorrow or whenever you feel ready, you know the drill" Magda told her and then she pulled Nate aside "Jin, I don't know if you heard what I said in there" Jinny nodded "Can you keep this between us for now, I'll explain sometime" CD finished "Sure..and only when YOU'RE ready" Jinny replied as Mag and Nate walked back towards her. Mag reached out to CD to hug her and whispered "If you need anything call me, don't worry about the time." When Jinny hugged her she said the same. Getting ready to leave CD thanked Mag and Jin and as they all turned to leave Mag turned around and said "Don't worry CD we will catch him, this isn't any case it's a special one."  
  
When they got back to their apartment CD silently headed to the bathroom and turned on the shower while Nate went into the kitchen to make them something to eat. When CD got out of the shower after scrubbing until her skin was raw and using the hottest water she could stand she but on the thickest Pajamas she had and headed out to the kitchen area to find Nate. When she came out she saw Nate taking something off the stove and she walked over to the kitchen and sat down at a chair at the table watching him. When he turned around he had two plates with grilled cheese and he set one down in front of her and one at the place across from her for him. When he sat down he dug into his sandwich and she picked hers up and took a few small bites but when she took a larger bite she gagged and had to spit it out into her napkin. By then Nate was done and watching her actions trying to read her eyes. She got up and walked away and curled up on the couch leaving Nate to clear the table. After he cleared the table he went out to the couch and kneeled down in front of it and asked "Do you need anything?"  
  
"Um.can you get me a blanket I am freezing?" She replied. When he came back and spread the blanket over her he asked her "Anything else?"  
  
"Yah..can you hold me for awhile?" she whispered.  
  
"Definitely" he replied sitting down on the couch in the space she made for him. She let herself lay back into the safety of his arms and savored the one moment where she felt safe. Nate reached over and turned on the TV and they both turned their attention to the weather channel. After a few minutes of watching in silence CD broke the silence by turning to Nate "I will understand if you want to leave" she said to him. "Baby, I never want to leave you. I don't care what you have been through, what you are going through now and whatever you are going to go through in the future all I care is that you are with me and I am with you." He told her. "Nate, I love you so much but with everything that is happening are you sure."  
  
"More sure than ever before, I could have lost you tonight CD and that just makes me realize how much more I really love you and nothing will ever change that." He replied. "Thank You, I just don't want to pressure you to have to deal with all of my crap, before all of this I came with enough baggage to sink a small ship and now I am adding more to that" she said. "CD, I love you more than anything else on the planet and I would give anything to make this pain go away for you if I could and if there is anything you need just tell me and I will do it" he said. CD yawned and Nate sat up "I think it is bed time. I will sleep out here on the couch and you can have the bed if you want." He offered. "No, we can share the bed, I really need you right now, but I don't know if I will be able to fall asleep." She replied.  
  
"If your sure you are ok with that, if you change your mind I will move." He said. She walked into the room and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Nate took this chance to change into some pajamas. When CD left the bathroom he went in to brush his teeth and give her a chance to get in bed. When Nate left the bathroom he found CD curled up in bed under all of the covers and a quilt on top of that. Nate laid down in the bed next to her. "Nate, can you hold me?" CD asked. "Sure" he replied moving into a position where she was snuggled safely into his arms, "Is tat ok?" he asked knowing that she needed to fell safe and protected. "MMHUM" she replied snuggling up to him. "I love you CD" he said. "I love you too Nate," she said hoping she would fall asleep. Finally feeling her relax in his arms Nate smiled and let himself fall asleep. 


	2. Chapter 2

-*-2:30 AM-*-  
  
Nate was woken by CD squirming and kicking and repeating "NO" & "Get Away" & "Help". He knew this was the first of many nightmares to come. "CD, sweetie wake up, you're having a nightmare." He told her keeping as calming of a tone as he could in his voice. He rubbed her back trying to help her back from 'nightmare land' as she had nicknamed it when she was a teenager. She woke up and after catching her breath she rolled back into his arms and looked up at him "Nate.he was back, I felt him and saw him and could smell him." She whispered clinging to him afraid her rapist would come back. "You're safe CD, he's not here, I'm never going to let anyone hurt you again, I promise." he told her. "Nate, I'm so scared of going through this again, I don't know if I can make it sweetie." "You can do this CD and I'll be here all the way if you want me to, have faith in us and yourself." "Thank You, right now I really need you." "I'm right here." He replied. "Nate, how would you feel about going down to the division in the morning?" "Are you going to work?" "No, I have to look at mug books for awhile." She told him "Then sure I'm right there wit you." "thanks, do you know if Jin is going to be there.tomorrow or well today?" "No, sorry I don't why?" "Well when we were at the hospital I kinda murmured something to myself about not wanting to go thorough this again and she kinda heard." CD informed him "That really stinks sweetie, are you ok with her knowing?" Nate questioned. "I'm not sure, I mean it had to come out sometime and if I would have told anyone it probably would have been Jinny anyway." She replied and snuggled even deeper into Nate's arms, seeking comfort from somewhere she didn't know. "Its your choice if you want to tell her more but you have my support either way." "thanks I think I wanna talk to her today, I need to get this out or it is going to make this that much harder." She told him. "I don't mean to sound controlling but do you think the division is the best place?" he questioned. "No, I was thinking about asking her if she wanted to come over after work for awhile cuze I really need to be with friends right now, why don't you see if Jack wants to go out for awhile, you seem like you need a break and Jin will be with me and I'll be safe."  
"If you're ok with it and Jin and Jack are free then its all good, you wanna try and go back to sleep?"  
"Yah lets try, I don't know though." She replied and then allowed herself to try and drift to sleep thinking as happy of thoughts as she could to try and deter the nightmares. She drifted off into a deep sleep. Nightmares came and went though the night. She left Nate sleep to be alone with her memories both from when she was 15 and new memories from that night trying to process everything that had happened in the last ten hours and al the memories of when hse was 15 it had brought back. 


	3. Chapter 3

-*- The Next Morning-*-  
  
After a long night for Nate and an even harder and seemingly longer night for CD, the alarm woke them and they both sat up in bed to get ready for the day. "Do you want the bathroom to get ready I will get ready out here and start some breakfast, any requests?" Nate asked  
"That would be great, breakfast um... Soft stuff in littler pieces, I don't want a repeat of last night, maybe some eggs?"  
"Sure eggs and some toast coming right up" he told her giving her a smile, She headed into the bathroom and seeing the bruises on her face had to hold back ka sob, she dressed did her hair and put on some makeup trying to hide some of the bruises on her face. She then brushed and flossed her teeth and rinsed her mouth with Listerine trying to get rid of his taste. She grabbed a bottle of Tylenol off the shelf and got 2 pills out of the bottle and took them out with her. In the kitchen Nate was just finishing breakfast. She sunk down in a chair and grabbed her glass of orange juice and swallowed the pills. Nate brought over 2 plates with scrambled eggs, sliced bananas and some toast for them and sat down to eat. CD again picked at their food and only ate small bites at a time being careful to prevent herself from gagging. After they finished Nate again cleared the table and let CD rest. "How are you feeling today sweetie?" Nate asked her. "um.not that great and my body feels like it got run over by a truck, I probably look like shit too" she replied. "Nope you look beautiful." Nate said smiling at her. "Thank you but how may I ask do you figure that?" "Easy, you're here and alive." He told her picking up one of her hands and squeezing it trying to show his sincerity. "Thanks" she replied to him and she reached out to hug him pulling back a moment later. "Can we go now?" she asked. "Sure, if your ready." He said amazed at how hard she was fighting. 


	4. Author Note

I am very busy at the moment and there is no telling how long this story is going to be (I have about 20 shorter chapters my notebook) I am going to try to put up at least one chapter per week but Marching Band and School and Vocal Lessons take up a lot of my time. I am writing faster than I can type (about ½ a chapter a day or so) so I will work on getting as much online as humanly possible, thanks for your patience ( 


	5. Chapter 4

~*~ Arriving at the Division~*~  
  
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Nate asked her. "I think so I am really scared right now though." "I'll be right there behind you and so will everyone else..you heard Magda last night, this isn't just any case it's a special case." "Thanks" she said pausing to take a deep breath "Ok, I'm ready let's do this." She said and they got out of the car and headed toward the division CD reaching out for his hand on the way towards the door. When they walked in a few heads turned and then went back to work. They headed over to Magda and Jinny's desks where they were sitting reading over doctors reports from the night before. CD walked over to the edge of their desks alone because Captain had pulled Nate aside. "Hey...I'm ready to look through some books as soon as Nate gets over here." "Sure I'll go fund and interview room for you." Mag told her and got up to find a room. Jin walked over to CD and sad down on the edge of the desks with her "How are you doing?" she asked CD. "Not to great." CD replied pausing then continuing "I was wondering if Jack and you had anything going on tonight?" she finished. "No we don't, why do you ask?" Jin replied "Well I was wondering if you could over and we could talk about..well you know and Nate really needs a break so he and Jack could go out for awhile."  
"If Jack is ok with it than I am, I'll call him now" she replied picking up and dialing a number, while she was on the phone Nate walked back to her and put an arm around her lower back. "Cap says you can have as much time off as you need and I have till at least next Monday and more if I need it." He told her. "That's great" CD said with a small smile. "Oh and she said if you need anything just call." He added. Just then Jin hung up the phone, "We're on for tonight be both get off at 5 how about we meet at your place at 6?" Jin suggested. "Sounds good" CD replied.  
"You ready to do this?" Jin asked. "As ready as I'll ever be I guess." CD replied turning towards the room Mag had entered moments ago. When she walked in she realized what the people on the other side must feel like when she asked them too look at mug books and how terrified they must really be. Nate sat down in the other chair and picked up one of CD's hands. Jin and Mag both looked at each other trying to decide who would start the process of looking through the mug books. Mag finally took a step forward and sat down telling CD what she already knew . She opened the first of two books matching her description of him. Thirty minutes later she finished look through the first book and about 15 minutes into the second book her finger stopped on a picture. "That's...that's him, I'm sure." CD said and Mag turned the book around and got his name. "John Miller" Mag said "Says here one prior for assault." She finished. "Your done her CD, we're going to get a warrant out for him and pick him up ASAP and we'll see you at 6." Jin told her. Nate and CD got up and left the interview room, Mag was already on the phone probably trying to get a warrant for John Miller. "Nate , sweetie...I really want to go home now is that ok?" CD asked. "Sure Honey" Nate replied, he placed his arm around her back and they walked back to the car. 


	6. Chapter 5

Nate drove home in silence, when they got back to her apt they both sat down on the couch and CD leaned back into Nate's arms enjoying the safety she felt in his arms. She closed her eyes and sighed. "You ok?" Nate asked.  
"Just upset, I can't close my eyes without seeing him and what happened last night and it hurts so bad." She said and a few tears slid down her cheek which Nate whipped off gently and pulled her closer to him and said "I promise I will never let anyone hurt you again."  
"Thank you..what did I ever do to deserve you?" she wondered. "Sometimes I wonder the same thing." He said. "I seriously think I am the luckiest women in the world sometimes, you always here for me and you put up with all my crap." CD said.  
They spent the rest of the afternoon on the couch Nate holding CD watching TV, and enjoying being with each other. When it got close to dinner time Nate tried to get up he found CD was fast asleep in his arms. Not knowing when she was going to get good sleep n the future he left her sleep and grabbed his cell and called Jin asking her if she could stop and get them some fast food explaining that CD had fallen asleep and he didn't have the heart to wake her . When she asked what to get he said "Anything but pizza."  
When he hung up he turned his attention back to the TV. Around 5:45 he again called Jin and told her that the door was open and to feel free to come in. At 6 when Jin got there with burgers CD was still asleep. He got up and made sure CD stayed asleep, he then grabbed his burger and gave Jin the money for their food. "I though about waking her before you got here but I don't know the next time she'll get this much sleep. Hopefully she'll wake up soon, sorry if this kinda messes up the plan."  
"It's ok, she needs sleep anyway, I'll let her sleep, you should go meet Jack downstairs and go out and have some fun, we'll be fun." Jin told him. Nate wrote CD a quick note and then he left to go meet up with Jack. Jin grabbed a magazine off the end table and started reading. She was about halfway through when she noticed CD was waking up. When she finally was awake she looked scared that Nate wasn't holding her. "Jin what are you doing here?" she asked. "We had plans remember, we were going to hang out here." Jin informed her. "Where is Nate?" "He went out with Jack for awhile." Jin told her. "What time is it?" CD asked. "Its about 7:45." "Geeze, I've been asleep since probably around 2 or 3 o clock."  
"Nate said so but he didn't want to wake you up." Jin told her. "He seriously sat here till you got here? I'm surprised you pried him away." She replied. 


End file.
